The power of YET for students

I believe the power of YET for students is one of the most important words for them to meet their potential as learners.  It is a word that educators and parents should also be using on a regular basis as well!

One’s mindset determines how they behave, their outlook on life and attitude towards everything they do.  Mindset is a simple idea discovered by Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck following years of research on achievement and success.  Her research found that brains and talent don’t bring success and sometimes even stand in the way of it.  On top of this, praising ones brains and talent doesn’t foster self-esteem and accomplishment and can actually even jeopardize them.  Where as teaching students about mindset and this simple idea can actually increase marks as well as their productivity.

Fixed v Growth Mindset

Carol Dweck’s research has found the following:

  • Fixed mindset – having a fixed mindset about yourself and your abilities means you think you are the way you are and that you can’t change anything.  Sometimes students with a fixed mindset believe that their talent alone can create success without putting in any effort which unfortunately is not true.
  • Growth mindset – means you believe your skills are not static and that you have the ability to change and learn.  This type of mindset can really assist one to succeed as this allows them to believe by working hard they can improve. With a growth mindset a student can know that whilst they may not be good at something it could either mean they haven’t learnt or practiced it YET.

At the end of the day all the tips and strategies given to students to assist them to study and improve their marks won’t work if they don’t have the right mindset in the first place – a growth mindset.

For further information about fixed v growth mindset you can click here to read another blog I have written about the importance of a growth mindset for students.

Use the word YET

Image of the word YET - The power of YET for students

By using the word YET it can really alter and improve a students’ motivation.  It can create the idea of learning over time.

So when they say “I can’t do this“, “I don’t have the skills needed” or “I’m not smart enough” by adding the word YET it can really change their motivation levels. With guidance and regular reminding and using the word YET it changes their fixed mindset statement they have made into a growth mindset one.

And it means that with your guidance they will continue on their learning trajectory and get there eventually. It puts their fixed mindset statement into a growth mindset context of learning overtime.

To begin the process of fostering a growth mindset, we need to catch ourselves when we are thinking with a fixed mindset and then revise those thinking patterns toward that of a growth mindset.  When we find ourselves thinking “I’m just not wired that way”, we need to make a mental note of the thought and revise our thinking patterns toward something along the lines of “I haven’t figured it out yet, but I’ll keep trying to learn.”  Doing this will not only assist us in being more resilient, but it will also help to keep us more motivated.

So the next time you hear your child saying they CAN’T do something remember to add the word YET to the end of the sentence.  It is amazing how powerful this change in the way you acknowledge can make a difference to their beliefs about themselves and their abilities.  You might even like to give it a go yourself if you find yourself ever saying I CAN’T too.

For further assistance on mindset or other areas on how I can assist you and your child please do get in touch.

8 tips for parents to avoid homework battles

Whether you agree with homework or not it seems to be part of most school’s current programs.  So how do parents avoid homework battles?

Homework is generally set to give children the opportunity to:

teenage boy doing homework

  • practice and consolidate skills;
  • practice creative thinking or problem solving; and
  • carry out long term projects.

Completing homework should not be about acquiring new skills.

The one thing I hear from many parents is that homework battles are very common and that they can be very painful to deal with.

As I outlined in another recent BLOG – ‘Who’s responsibility is it to ensure homework is completed?” – it is the child’s.  It is also an arrangement they have with their teacher and school and this needs to be kept front of mind too.  Having said that I do agree that parents also still play a role in monitoring, supporting, guiding, teaching and ensuring that children complete their homework themselves.

8 tips to try and avoid homework battles include:

  1. Send clear messages about homework – including that it is an important part of school; you will give your child support if they need it and that you will not be doing their homework for them.
  2. Have a plan – this really is key for students of all ages in tackling their homework. Depending upon what it boy not enjoying doing homeworkis they need to do a plan can be detailed or just written down on a scrap piece of paper.  The plan should include a rough outline of what they need to do and a guide as to how much time they need to spend on each aspect.  Then it is useful to work out what subject to start with first – for some children it could be the easiest or for others they like to tackle the hardest.  Ask them what they would like to start with.  By having a plan they are more likely to make a start as well as to get their homework done.One important point for parents is not to assume they know how to do this and you may need to teach them how to put a basic plan together first then be their to support until they can do it by themselves.
  3. Breaking into chunks – sometimes it is the homework task itself that can be overwhelming so it is useful to assist your child to know how to break tasks down into chunks that can be dealt with during the same homework session or on different days.  It is common to assume they have been taught how to do this and therefore we often just expect them to be able to know how to do this when the reality is they don’t necessarily understand.  If this is the case it is useful to work with them and explain how.
  4. Develop set homework times/routines – work with your child to develop times when they can get their homework done around their other activities.  Having set times tends to work for younger children where as older children might like more flexibility around taking responsibility for when to complete theirs.  One thing to be aware of is to determine the best times around children’s energy levels.  Often the best time can be after they get home from school and have had something to eat – usually within 30 minutes to an hour at most.
  5. Find the best place for them – have a discussion with your child, particularly older children, as to where they feel they work best and then help them to create the right space and environment ie does it need to be quiet, do they want to have music playing or maybe they work best in amongst it all in the kitchen space?  Be aware that they might also like different spaces depending upon what homework it is they are doing at the time.  I recently found out, by asking, that one of my students hated the desk space she worked in as she found it really dark so she avoided using it.  After speaking to her parents and with a coat of paint and more lighting she actually was happy to start working in there again.
  6. Minimise distractions – I could write a whole BLOG on this alone however I would like to highlight that girl using iphone when she should be doing homeworkparents can help children become aware of distractions and work with them to come up with the best solution that will work ie help them to turn notifications from social media off on devices they are working on or remove phones to another room whilst they are working.  Where possible get them to come up with the decisions on what to do rather than dictate them as they are more likely to stick to them then too.
  7. Help them to get started – often this can be the hardest part.  As we know many children like to procrastinate and never seem to have any trouble finding other things to do.  One way to help get them started is to set a time for 20 minutes and then allow them a 5 minute break before setting again.  Sometimes this is enough to anchor them to their desk to complete homework.  For some children using incentives can also assist them to get their homework done ie give them something they look forward to doing as soon as they finish homework.
  8. Make sure they have all the supplies – often this can be an issue as children complain they don’t havewhat they need.  Therefore parents can assist to make sure they have a variety of supplies at hand and close by to where the children complete their homework so there really are no excuses.  It might even be worth checking in with them from time to time on upcoming homework they need to complete if you need to make any specific purchases like poster paper or other supplies.

Homework battles can be very draining on everyone involved so the more planning and educating you can do to assist your children the easier they should become. Why not give some of these tips a go to see if you can avoid homework battles in your home making it much better for everyone!

If you would like to discuss the regular challenges you have or to know more about how I can assist you and your family please get in touch.

Who’s responsibility is it to ensure homework is completed?

So just who’s responsibility is it to ensure homework is completed?  This is an interesting question and one that many people, including educators, will tell you that the answer should be that of the student.  The parent’s role should be one of support and guidance if required (if required being the key words – naturally it will be age dependant to a degree too)!

In my work with both upper primary and secondary students this is often an area of discussion I have with both students and parents.  These days many schools have web based school management platforms that allow both students and parents so see what homework and assignments students need to complete.  I have even heard of some schools that actually emailimage of daughter at a desk being watched by her mum at the door the parents the homework that students need to do.  This is where I believe some of the problems around who’s responsibility to ensure homework is completed stem from.

Whilst the communication is a great thing, parents tend to then take on the responsibility as we fear that our children will fall behind, won’t succeed or get the most out of life if they don’t do their homework.  Whilst these are real fears this is where parents become unstuck as a result of knowing what needs to be done and when it is due they often start to nag and put pressure on children to get homework done.  The unfortunate part is that children, particular those in early teen years, don’t react well to this and it can have a negative impact where they will often do the exact opposite of what you are trying to get them to do.

Factors to consider

Consider these 4 important factors as to why the responsibility to ensure homework is completed should be that of the students:

  • key life skills development – research shows that doing homework can help children develop “self directed learning skills” like initiative, independence and confidence.  When completing homework it is important that students ensure they understand what it is they are to do, how much time they should allocate for completing it and then using their time wisely to do so.  These are all great skills for students to learn that will continue to assist them throughout their education and lives.
  • developing independence and feeling in control – as children grow in age and become teenagers it is only natural for them to want to be able to make their own decisions including when to do their homework.  They need to feel like they are in control, can do things by themselves and work to their own timetable.  This can be sometimes hard for parents to deal with though it is important to know when to take a step back rather than following up with your child too often.  I usually recommend to parents to continue to take an interest, be supportive and let your child know you are available to assist if required.
  • being responsible for their own actions – this is another important life skill for children to develop.   They need to learn for themselves, be conscious of making their own decisions and following their own actions.  It is then up to them to deal with any consequences as a result of their actions or inaction as it may be.  For instance if they leave their homework at home I tell parents not to go running it up to the school or if your child doesn’t complete something and gets a detention then that is something they need to do and learn.   If they don’t experience the consequences of their work, whether that means a good grade or a failing one, they are less likely to change the behaviour that’s been making things difficult in the first place.  It can sound harsh but children usually will learn more as a result of dealing with the consequences than if they have everything solved and smoothed over.
  • developing problem solving skills – ideally as parents we’d love our children to be able to solve their own problems, with support that is age appropriate as required.   In order for them to develop these skills parents need to move away from being direction givers all the time.  It is sometimes easier for parents to always step in and solve problems by telling our children what they need to do, where they need to be and what they need to have with them.  Unfortunately though this is only teaching them to follow directions and not being responsible themselves.  Questions to ask instead are what do you need to do; where do you need to be and what do you need?  Let them tell you!  In order to develop good time management skills, which are essential for completing homework and study, it is important to let them both problem solve an to make their own decisions.

image of teenage boy studying or completing homeworkIn essence as a parent if you take on the responsibility for a child’s homework it often doesn’t always allow them the ability to develop these core life skills.  So do you think you can make any necessary changes and support your child to do the same?  It will take away some of the battles you may be having over homework too.

For tips on how to focus and get homework done you might like to read this BLOG for some ideas – click here

If you or your child need any further support please don’t hesitate to get in touch as I can work with them and or you 1:1 – amanda@organisingstudents.com.au or 0409 967 166.

Please note that this blog has been written in a general context and I appreciate that many students may still struggle with what I have suggested above as there are often many different factors at play.  Therefore it is important perhaps for these students that these factors be considered and the necessary support provided to them as required.

6 homework tips – how to focus and get homework done

Parents often think to themselves why don’t they just do their homework and get it out of the way – for some students it isn’t that easy.  Sometimes getting started can be the hard part.

Here are 6 homework tips that will assist students to stay focused and assist them to get their homework done:Image of a student working at her desk - get homework tips to get it done

  • Start homework sooner than later – students tend to waste time from 3-6pm most days.  To be more productive it is useful to start homework within 1 hour of finishing school where possible.  They are still alert at this time, particularly after having a good snack too.  This is much easier to do it or at least make a start than having to sit down and start after dinner.  This might not always be possible with after school activities and sport but worth putting into place on days when it can be.
  • Have a plan – having a plan means students are more likely to take action, know what they need to do and make a start.  It’s important that the plan is manageable and actionable.  It doesn’t have to be very detailed and can just be written down on a scrap piece of paper or even a post it note as to what they’d like to achieve today and allocate an estimated time they think it will take.  Through the action of breaking down activities into smaller time segments students develop a clearer sense of how to prioritise, focus, initiate, transition and complete their daily responsibilities.
  • Have a reward or treat in mind – for some students this can really motivate them to get their homework done.  One way is for students to challenge themselves to do their homework before a certain time.   Another is to just work and get it done (without rushing through and making sure it is their best work).  Following the completion of homework they then get time to do something they like – ie catch up with friends, play video games, spend time on social media.
  • Eliminate distractions – students, like most of us, do better if they only focus on one thing at a time.  Many students though when doing homework are constantly interrupted and distracted often by their phones, device they might be using and social media.  It is best if students can recognise that this happens and remove the distractions where possible or otherwise seek assistance from parents to assist them.  If students do get distracted it can take quite a bit of effort to get back to where they were with their focus and attention and therefore it increases the time it takes to complete homework.  Also a students learning is not going to be as great in terms of what they remember if they keep getting distracted.
  • Use a timer – sometimes students can struggle to get started and using a timer can help.  One technique that often assists students is to work for 20 minutes and then have a on 5 minute break.  I often refer to this as the 20 minute/5 minute techninque and others may know it as the Pomodoro technique.  Some students may need to continue using this technique and others may just need it to get started.  Another option is to get them to challenge themselves to compete their homework before the timer goes off – naturally they have planned out first before they started as to how long a piece of work should take.
  • Get enough sleep – this is such an important thing for students and their brain needs it.  This can be challenging as many students, particularly teens don’t recognise they actually need this and that is good for them.  They should try to set themselves a ‘bed time’ and follow a regular routine of going to bed and waking up at the same time each day.  By getting enough sleep students are more likely to cope with all their academic and extra curricula activities.

By following all or some of these tips students are more likely to take control of their homework rather than it taking control of them and leading to an increase in stress and anxiety.

For further assistance in assisting you and your child with their studies, their organisation or time management (or lack of these skills) please get in touch.  

There are answers!

Future of education in Australia

image of an old school house and statement of school system designed in 1893 and how the future of education needs to changeWhat is the future of education in Australia?  Towards the end of 2016 I had the opportunity to see the educational film – Most Likely to Succeed by Greg Whitely.  This film has in recent times created quite a lot of interest and discussion on the future of education in America, Australia and around the world.

Personally I believe it to be very thought provoking in that it makes sense that one of the main themes of this film suggests that a review of our education system is needed considering the last major change was way back in the Industrial Revolution in 1893! Don’t you think it is hard to fathom that students today are still learning what was put in place over a century ago?

Shortcomings of the current system

Some of the key areas highlighted as shortcomings of current school models were:

  • Technology, the economy, and our understanding of children and learning have all evolved far more than our schools, and it’s time for that to change.
  • How it is becoming harder to find jobs at the end of our education system and how the shift în technology is partly to blame where many jobs have or will cease to exist. Entry level jobs used to be plentiful and college was an affordable path to a fulfilling career.
  • The current system appears to reflect that of a factory culture particularly with the ongoing use of bells and timetables.
  • Standardised testing is out of date – the goal of the current curriculum system is to pass tests whether students are interested or not – it doesn’t teach students about learning, preparing and succeeding later in life.

Key messages

For me the key takeaways were:

  • An education system needs to keep students interested and engaged.
  • We need to be looking at what technological skills we will need in the future.
  • Students need to be excited about a particular topic or subject and then they are more likely to be interested to learn and remember the information.
  • When students study they should have a choice how they do it and what works for them – they shouldn’t have to do it a certain way as they are all different.
  • The learning way suggested was a focus more on student centred learning and what they are interested in as opposed to saying they must learn a particular subject.
  • Students are more likely to gain a real sense of purpose which is suggested with a new education model.
  • The idea is that students learn best by doing, and what they do should be complex, challenging, self-directed (with support), and purposeful.
  • It can be really powerful for students to make something during their learning that wasn’t there before or that is new.
  • A problem/project-based learning approach that features flexibility and autonomy for both teachers and students, will provide students with skills and mindsets that are more valuable and more effective than are typically fostered in schools today.
  • No situation in real life is similar to how one takes a test!  So why is the education system using this?  We grind out learning in our system and students memorise things that they then forget a short time later.
  • It’s a big change for parents to get their heads around though they need to remember that education is and should be different to what they experienced.

Image of school children

A must see

This film is really a must see for anyone with an interest in educations place in society today and our children’s futures.  If you get the opportunity I encourage you to take a look for yourself and see what you think!

For a preview of the film click here

The film suggests that teachers, education leaders and policy makers must look at creating new visions of what schools are and what they do.  A move towards it being more specialised and more personalised for students can only be a step in the right direction!

So what do you think?  What do you think the future of education in Australia should be?  Please get in touch and let me know.

The importance of a growth mindset for students

Growth Mindset quote and why growth mindset is important for studentsThe importance of a growth mindset for students cannot be underestimated.  Students are more likely to succeed with their studies if they develop a growth mindset compared to having that of a fixed mindset.

So what is mindset?

Mindset is the established set of ideas and attitudes held by someone.  Someone’s mindset will determine the way they behave, their attitude and outlook on life and what’s going on around them.

The kind of mindset a student has can really alter the way they approach everyday life and study.  The good news is that ones mindset is not set in stone and there are things you can do or change to shift your mindset to ensure you get the most out of study and life.

Different mindsets – fixed v growth

There are two different mindsets often discussed and outlined below are the basic differences between them when it comes to students and their learning.

Fixed mindset

Those students with a fixed mindset often process a belief that their talent and intelligence is fixed and incapable of being changed or improved.  With a fixed mindset they often:

  • ignore constructive criticism
  • have a negative internal dialogue with themselves
  • they don’t like to ask questions in case it makes them look stupid
  • use the words ‘I can’t’ a lot
  • give up quickly and particularly if something is hard or challenging
  • avoid challenges
  • they don’t want to look like failures.

Growth mindset

Students with a growth mindset typically believe they can grow their intelligence, are motivated and keen to learn.  Those with a growth mindset usually:

  • see mistakes and feedback as an opportunity to learn
  • actively pursue difficult things
  • seek new challenges
  • use the phrase ‘I can’t yet’
  • have a positive internal dialogue with themselves
  • if something is challenging they persevere.

So which mindset would your rather your child have?

I’m sure you can now see why developing a growth mindset for students is the way to go and how it is important for not only their studies but life as well.

To begin the process of fostering a growth mindset with our children (no matter what age) we need to catch them when they are thinking or speaking with a fixed mindset and assist to revise those patterns more towards a growth mindset.

If you need assistance to assist your child with their mindset and ensuring it is a growth one please get in touch as this is something I regularly work with individual or groups of students on – get in touch amanda@organisingstudents.com.au

 

How to get more than a yes or no answer when asking children questions about their day

Can you relate to this when asking children questions about how they went at school and the only answers you get are short one word responses or no response at all?

How often have you asked the following questions to your child and have been frustrated with their response?

How was school today?  – ” Fine” or “okay” or “not good”

What do you do? – “nothing”

This is a topic that often comes up when conducting workshops so I want to share with you the following tips on asking children questions and getting better responses.

Asking children questions

As a parent I know I have often asked these same questions to my own children.  When your child is younger it isn’t too bad as you generally kept abreast of what was going on at primary school anyway.  However when your child start’s secondary school, and the communication from the school is usually less, it would be great to know more about what is happening in their daily lives.

Don’t despair it may be that you are just not asking the right questions, or not asking them at the right time, which then allows your child to give you the one word responses they give.IMAGE of a family eating dinner around the dining table asking children questions

Here are a couple of tips that you might want to consider when asking children questions:

  • Ask open-ended questions which will allow you to keep the conversation going longer rather than questions that can be answered by one word responses.
  • Children don’t often realise the type of answer you are wanting so it is a good idea to make sure you ask specific questions.
  • Try and ask positive questions which will give your child a chance to express concerns where as asking negative questions it might stop the conversation quicker.

Questions you might like to ask (apply to children of all ages)

Below are a few suggestions on questions you might like to try but feel free to alter so they are applicable to you, your children and circumstances:

  1. Tell me about the best thing that happened at school today.
  2. What was the best thing you learnt today?
  3. Was there something really interesting that you learnt?  I’d love to hear about it.
  4. What was challenging about your day? Why did you find it challenging?
  5. Did a classmate or friend have anything fun or interesting to say?
  6. What was the best thing your teacher asked you to do  in ____ today?
  7. What game did you play at recess/lunch?  Who played with you?
  8. Tell me about a moment in class when you felt confused.  Did you seek any assistance?
  9. Was there anytime today that someone wasn’t very nice to you?
  10. Were there any moments today when you were proud of yourself and something you did?
  11. What did you learn about yourself today?
  12. Is there anything that you are worried about?
  13. What are you looking forward to about tomorrow?
  14. Is there a question you’d like me to ask you about your day?

Give it a go

Why not give some of these questions a go when your child comes home from school today?

Before you do it might be an idea though to consider picking just one or two rather than starting to ask all of these at once.   Your child, particularly older children, will really start to wonder why the change and become suspicious about why you are now asking so many questions!  If it goes well, then next time why not throw in a couple of different ones.

If you want to encourage this to become an ongoing part of your communication with your child it is important that when they actually do talk and answer your question that you make sure you listen.  Teenagers in particular are vary wary of parents cutting in and not letting them speak.

Personally I usually find I have the most useful conversations, and get the best answers, when they are having an afternoon snack, in the car on the way to after school sport or at the dinner table.  These sort of questions are pretty much routine in our household these days and not only my way of taking an interest but also allowing me to find out more about what is happening in the day to day lives of my children.

It would be great to hear if your communication improves as a result of altering what you ask your child about their day – please let me know – amanda@organisingstudents.com.au

Top 2016 posts on student organisation, time management and study

Another year has past and I thought it would be useful to share with you articles of interest and blogs that I came across (or wrote) in 2016 that relate to student organisation, time management, study and of course parenting.Image of a student working at her desk - student organisation

I’ve had a great year working with students in schools (primary and secondary) as well as 1 on 1 and sharing my knowledge, skill and tips in all of the above mentioned areas.  I very much believe that these are skills that not only assist students whilst at school but throughout their lives.

Here’s to another great year with school about to start (at least in the southern hemisphere) and I look forward to continuing to make a difference to students lives of all ages.

Trends/Articles of Interest

Why our children are so bored at school, cannot wait, get easily frustrated and have no real friends?

Why I am choosing the local state school over private

How the education system is making our students stress and sick

When homework is useless

How do I control my child’s screen time

Why growth mindset isn’t working in schools as yet?

Parents outraged after private school allows girls to wear pants

Organisation

Why Goal Setting is important for students

5 student organising tips to staying organised

My top 5 organising student resources

Time management

Time Management Skills are vital for our teens

Study skills

Having an exam study plan is key

Re-reading is inefficient – 8 tips for studying smarter

Other

Tips for reading student reports

12 tips on making new friends at secondary school 

Tips and tools for parents from ABC Revolution School – a great read

Peer Pressure and Influence

Could you be ruining your kids?

I hope you find some of these student organisation articles useful and that they address some of your questions or challenges that you as parents might be facing in society today when it comes to your children and their education.

Please do get in touch if I can be of assistance to you our your child or if you believe it might be worth me getting in touch with their school to see if I can offer one of my many workshops.

Here’s to a great 2017 for everyone!

 

6 common concerns around transition to secondary school

Transition to secondary school is one of the biggest transitions a student will face in their lives. Whilst some children find the process very easy, many more can find this time quite daunting and stressful, and then you have others who are somewhere in between.

Common concerns

During my ‘Getting Organised for Transition Workshops’, usually in the later part of the school year, with Grade 6 students, I have found that these 6 common concerns around transition pop up time and time again during discussions.

  1. Will they be able to make friends? For some students, they are going off to secondary school on their own, and not with other students from their primary school and this in particularimage of 3 girls at school around transition to secondary school is a concern to them. Reassurance is needed that they are not the only ones and it is useful to remind them that they actually already know how to make friends and can do it again.  For other tips to assist them to make friends click here to read.
  2. Worried about the amount of the homework they will get. This comes up in nearly every discussion with grade 6 students. They are concerned that there will be a dramatic increase and that it will take up all their spare time.  The other concern they have is that it will be too hard for them as well.  They need to know that homework is going to increase and that it is good to begin developing a good homework routine early that will then allow them to have time for the other activities that are important to them.  Organisation and good time management is key!
  3. Going from being the oldest and biggest to the youngest and for some the smallest too.  The children are currently used to being the bigger ones at primary school usually in both age and size.  So thinking about going to secondary school this will be flipped on its head again.  Recently I had a boy stand up to demonstrate this concern to me by showing me how small he was now to his current classmates so he is feeling daunted by having even larger students towering over him.
  4. I won’t know my way around and will get lost easily.  Even though by now these children have often had one or two visits to the secondary school they will go to next year they are still concerned about not knowing where things are.  The size of the school will probably be double or triple in both size and numbers of students to what they are currently used to.  These concerns around new surroundings are normal even though it won’t take them long when they are there every day to become familiar.  Many schools will give the students maps they can familiarise themselves with too.
  5. Image of secondary school lockers for transitionThey have concerns around using lockers and forgetting their locker codes.  Whilst many students are excited about having the opportunity to have their own lockers they are often a little concerned at the same time.  They are currently used to having access to both their tubs and school bags inside their classrooms so having lockers is going to be quite a change for them.  They do not currently have locks and are often worried that they will forget their combination codes.  Fortunately, the school keeps record of them and has a master code (or bolt cutters) if needed.
  6. Getting detention. This is a common worry for students and gets raised time and time again.  I had one child ask me recently if he was going to get detention for making mistakes in his homework.  Naturally I reassured him that this was not the case and that by making mistakes that is actually how one learns.  I also usually tell them that if they continue to do the right things then detention won’t be an issue thy need to actually worry about.

What you can do now

The main messages that I give to students, teachers and parents at this time of year is to continue communicating and talking about all of these concerns and feelings they have.   Naturally any discussions should highlight they are not alone and that these feelings are very normal for this time of year. Where possible it also helps to be positive and encouraging to assist with the process.

For any assistance with transition, prior to or after, please don’t hesitate to get in touch as I offer a variety of workshops as well as 1:1 sessions with students.

 

12 tips on how to make new friends at secondary school

image of 3 girls at schoolOne of the biggest fears for many Grade 6 students  about going to secondary school is wondering how they will make new friends.

Whether they are going with others they already know, or going off to a secondary school all by themselves, this can be a very daunting time for many.  Some children make friends really easily, while others can find it difficult.  As you know friendships don’t happen over night and are usually formed when children have common interests.  So how do you help your child and assist them through these worries they may have?

Tips on making friends

Here are 12 tips that you can discuss with them to alleviate any concerns or anxiousness they may be feeling around having to make new friends:

  1. remind them that they already know how to make friends as they have friends now.
  2. talk to them and remind them that they are not alone – many others will be also going to school without friends and in the same situation as them. Discuss that it is natural to feel nervous or scared about a new situation and that these are normal feelings they maybe experiencing.
  3. talk to them about being themselves and not trying to be someone else and who they are not.
  4. to try and be confident – that they should be a friend to themselves by avoiding negative self thoughts.  Use helpful self-talk that is encouraging and reminder to be patient as well won’t hurt.
  5. be approachable when starting at a new school by saying ‘hello’.
  6. to smile and acknowledge someone – it goes a long way to breaking down barriers.  Remind them not to walk into a room looking at the floor or not at anyone as this isn’t a welcoming behaviour.
  7. get them to look for someone else who may also seem shy and say hello – remind them that they might even be shyer than them.
  8. introduce yourself and ask what the other person’s name is
  9. ask questions like ‘what school did you go to last year?’, ‘where do you live?’, what’s your favourite sport or subject?’
  10. be a good listener when talking to others and try and remember what they tell you.  Sometimes if you are in a group look for an opening to join into a conversation.
  11. get involved in activities that the school will have during transition days and at the start of the year as this will assist you to get to know others in your class and at the same year level.
  12. join clubs and activities at the school as this is a good way to meet other people too.

If your child is going to a different secondary school to many of their current friends, another useful thing to do is to encourage them to stay in touch and spend time with them.   Talk to them about how it is okay to feel sad about the upcoming changes but it doesn’t mean that they will forget each other because they are not going to secondary school together.  Remind them that it will be exciting to share their new school adventures when they next catch up!

As a parent just keep the lines of communication going around how to make friends and continue to offer support and guidance – here’s to many more friendships for your children.

If you’d like any assistance with the transition process please do get in touch as I run workshops around this for groups and can conduct 1:1 sessions too.